


House Guest

by BugontheRug



Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms, The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Zombie Apocalypse, Established Relationship, M/M, Merle is not a good house guest, RWG Secret Santa 2018, Rick struggles to deal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-28 09:21:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17180276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BugontheRug/pseuds/BugontheRug
Summary: After letting Merle crash at his and Daryl's place after a breakup with his girlfriend, Rick learns Merle is a terrible house guest.With Daryl away at a conference, Rick has to make it through the week by himself.





	House Guest

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CarylDixonandGrimes (FandomLifeTookMyHandAndSaidRUN)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FandomLifeTookMyHandAndSaidRUN/gifts).



> To CarylDixonandGrimes. I hope you enjoy :)

**1\. Trouble at Breakfast**

Rick was trying to enjoy his cereal (God he missed Daryl’s cooking) and was scrolling through his news app, curious as to what hole the president had dug himself into now when Merle walked into the kitchen. Rick briefly raised his eyes from his phone, but he didn’t have much time before work to waste it by engaging with Merle and his stories of drunken debauchery. He had enough of that over the weekend.

But Merle was not to be ignored. A moment later he startled Rick by bringing his foot onto the table with a solid thud. Rick slowly finished the bite in his mouth before he asked, “What are you doing?” He stared at the bottom of Merle’s foot that had a light covering of grime and was less than two feet from his bowl.

“Toenails are getting a little long.” He pulled his foot closer with nail clippers in hand and Rick couldn’t let this happen!

“Merle! Wait!” But it was too late. With the sound of a high pitched _click_ , Rick could only watch in horror as a large toenail sailed across the table and landed in his cereal.

Rick sat in shock, staring at the yellowed nail bobbing and blending in with his Honey Bunches of Oats. Merle, meanwhile, continued clipping his nails in bliss, unaware of the meltdown happening two feet to his left.

Rick picked up his bowl and set it in the sink before storming out to go to work.

**2\. Strong Winds In the Evening**

Rick settled into the couch, beer in hand, sighing as his aching bones nestled into the cushions. He flipped through the channels, excitement building. Rick doesn’t normally watch shows as they air. Usually, he and Daryl DVR them and watch them together over the weekend or wait until they show up on Hulu or Netflix. 

But this show? Rick couldn’t wait to see what happened next. So each Thursday, he’d grab Daryl, gather him in a nest of blankets on the couch with a couple of beers and watch the show. Daryl thought it was cute how excited he got and enjoyed the cuddles so he never complained even though the show wasn’t really his thing.

Sitting alone on the couch, Rick’s heart ached for Daryl. The theme music began on the screen and Rick shoved is loneliness away to get lost in a world of murder, mystery, and intrigue. 

On a commercial break, he got up to grab some snacks and another beer. He got back just in time. He was shaking with anticipation. The whole season had been leading up to this point. The murderer was slipping, leaving more of a trail than before. Or was it a trap? 

He was munching on his popcorn, suspenseful music swelling as the detective crept toward the door, when the front door slammed open, making Rick jump.

“Howdy Officer Friendly. What are you up to?”

“Watching a show.” Rick’s eyes returned to the screen, a little disappointed he missed the door opening, but luckily it didn’t seem like anything had happened yet. The detective was cautiously moving around the room as Merle settled into the couch next to him.

“What’s it about?” 

“A homicide detective in the 1940’s who solves suspicious murders.”

“Weren’t all murders suspicious at that time?” Rick could feel his irritation growing. It was reaching the climax of the episode and he didn’t want to miss the build up.

“Like supernatural suspicious. And can you hold off the questions until the commercial break?”

“Sure, sure.” Merle said, leaning back and putting his feet on the coffee table making Rick sigh. Rick had tried setting a “no feet on the table” rule when he and Daryl moved in together, but Daryl always forgot and now with Merle disregarding the rule, Rick was going to tell Daryl the rule had been nullified.

Not a minute later Rick heard the loudest fart he’d ever heard.

“Whoo boy! That’s some strong wind!” Rick gagged at the smell.

“Oh my god! What the fuck did you eat?! It smells like rotting eggs!”

“Had some of Marlene’s three bean chill down at the diner. The best way to win a woman back is to compliment her cooking. But I guess that won’t help with you dating my baby brother.”

Merle ended the statement with another loud fart. “Whoo, gonna be farting up a storm tonight, but it’ll be worth it to cup those large titties in these hands again, ya feel me?” Merle said with salacious laugh.

“Merle,” Rick said, exasperated. Before he could continue another fart filled the room. _Fuck it._ Rick got up and headed to his room. He’d just watch it tomorrow when it was up on Hulu.

“Night, Officer Friendly!” Merle yelled at him as he went up the stairs. His laughter followed him, doing nothing to settle the irritation simmering in him.

**3\. Death at Dinner**

Rick came in with a sigh, kicking off his shoes, exhausted after a long day of work. He heard some giggling and gruff laughs coming from the kitchen. Curious, he walked in and saw Merle with Sophia at the kitchen table. Merle was seated and Sophia was on her knees, legs crossed, and leaning on the table. Rick smiled and was about to give a greeting when the words caught in his throat. He had finally noticed what was spread across the table.

Now Rick had seen some things in his years as a cop. Gunshot victims, strangled corpses, bloated drowned bodies, but none of that prepared him for the scene before him. Mutilation, dissection, viscera, Rick was ready to puke.

“You all right there Rick?”

“Yea Mr. Rick. You don’t look so good.”

“What, what’s that?” He pointed a shaky finger and the crime scene on the table.

“Mr. Merle is helping me with my science fair project!” Sophia was now bouncing in her seat, which wasn’t helping Rick’s nausea. 

“S-science fair?”

“Oh yea, I used to help my baby brother with his science fair projects and if I’m remembering correctly, this one got an A-plus.” Merle leaned back in his chair, chest puffed out with a smile on his face.

If Rick were feeling any better he would start asking so many questions. Daryl had told him about his childhood once, cuddled together in the safety of their bed and Rick hadn’t pried for more. Sometimes something would happen and Daryl would remember something good from that time in his life and he’d share it with Rick. Rick hoarded those tidbits like a dragon and Merle stood in front of him like a pile of gold.

Sophia brought him back to the moment (where had he gone?) by saying, “Yea! Mr. Merle showed me how to catch a squirrel, and clean it and now we’re going to preserve the organs and make a poster that shows all the parts of a squirrel and which parts you can eat and which ones you can’t! Isn’t that so cool?!”

“Yea, so cool. I’m really not feeling well. I’m going to go lay down. Make sure this,” he said waving his hand about to encircle the massacre before him, “gets cleaned up before breakfast tomorrow.”

“Sure thing Rick.” Merle was watching him with amusement in his eyes and a knowing smirk on his face. 

Rick headed upstairs, straight to the bathroom.

**Interlude: Support at Midnight**

“There were squirrel guts everywhere! Everywhere, Daryl! I almost passed out and definitely threw up. It was awful.”

“I told you it wouldn’t be easy living with him.” Daryl’s voice was gruff, soft and sleep laden. Rick imagined him laying in his hotel bed, spread out, sheets bunched around him and his hair spread like a halo on the pillow. God, he missed him. 

“I could handle his gross feet and his nasty farts, but it looked like a slaughter happened on our kitchen table!” Rick sighed. “I knew it wasn’t going to be easy having him crash here, I was ready for it, but this was a little much.” Rick ruffled his hair and paced their bedroom.

“I get it. I warned ya it wouldn't be easy living with him." Rick heard a soft sigh and some rustling through the phone. "I should’ve canceled the minute we knew he was staying with us.”

“No! No, no, babe. Don’t say that.” Rick sat on their bed and rubbed a hand down his face. “I’m just venting. You deserve to be there and your research on childhood trauma recovery needs to be shared. I never want you to regret going. Hell yeah I miss you and hell yes your brother is a lot, but I can handle it if it means you’re following your dreams.”

Rick heard a soft sniffle on the other side of the line. “You damn sap.” Rick huffed a laugh. “I miss you too, Rick. Just a few more days and I’ll be home.”

Rick smiled, “I can’t wait.”

**4\. Hairy Situation Before Bed**

Rick walked into the bathroom looking forward to a nice hot soak. He was going to splurge and use one of the bath bombs Carol gifted them. 

He groaned at the sight that greeted him. The sink had hair all over it and the tub was covered in what Rick, much to his displeasure, identified as pubes.

“Merle!” Rick bellowed. He heard the man coming up the stairs. He entered the bathroom in a cloud of cologne, almost choking Rick with the fumes.

“What is it? Be quick ‘cause I scored a date with Marlene.”

Rick gestured around the room. “Why is it so hairy in here?”

“Well, Marlene likes clean-shaven men, completely shaven, if you know what I mean.” Merle gave him a lascivious wink. “You’ve felt nothin’ until your naked dick is in a hot mouth and, man, how that woman can suck my ba--”

“Stop! Stop. I don’t want to hear any more. If you could just clean this up before you go.” Rick had clapped his hands to his ears and walked out, Merle’s booming laughter following.

**5\. Between a Rock and a Hard Place Before Coffee**

Rick sighed as he sat down. He pulled out his phone and started scrolling through his social networks.

He had just started reading a Buzzfeed article when the door slammed open.

“Merle! What the fuck?!” 

Merle was putting toothpaste on his toothbrush as he explained. “Marlene is almost willing to take me back. I have one more date to win her back.”

“Could you maybe wait until I’m done with bathroom first?!” Rick could hear his voice rise an octave. 

“Nah, I’m already running late and all my stuff is here. Don’t worry. Ain’t nothing I haven’t seen before.” 

Rick groaned. “I don’t care if you have or haven’t seen this before. _I’m_ not comfortable with you here.”

“I’ll only be a minute.” He said around his toothbrush.

Rick groaned again. God damn it! He just wanted a few minutes of peace to do his business and here Merle was, once again disturbing his peace. How much longer was this going to last?

**+1 Surprise in the Afternoon**

Merle whistled as he approached the front door. Marlene had taken him back and he was going to pack up and bid farewell to Officer Friendly and have some hot makeup sex. He couldn’t wait. Everything was working out nicely. He opened the door, calling out, “Good news Officer Friendly! I’ll be out of your hair in no time.”

He froze in stunned silence. In front of him was his baby brother, bent over the couch with his pants around his ankles and Rick balls deep in his ass. Daryl was watching him with wide shocked eyes and Rick, Rick’s face was twisted in ecstasy before dropping his head to bury it in Daryl’s neck.

Everyone was still and silence filled the house, save for Rick’s ragged breathing. The silence was broken as Daryl’s face turned from shock to anger. “Did you really just cum in my ass to the sound of my brother's voice?!” Rick groaned and Merle let out a loud laugh before heading to his room.

He smiled as he listened to Rick and Daryl bickering, but he wasn’t worried. He had pushed Rick to his limits and if he could handle Merle at his worst, he could handle anything his baby brother could throw his way. Merle continued whistling as he packed. Yea, everything was working out as it should be.


End file.
